I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
