his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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