is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
