he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
