I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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