Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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