i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
