I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His hands were made for my vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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