he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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