he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
