So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
