i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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