Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
