You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had to cum in my sink.
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