we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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