Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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