Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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