I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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