If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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