Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
