So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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