he told me I talked like a deaf person
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
