i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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