I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
