The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
