Duck Duck Cougar?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
