Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
