I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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