he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
