How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
