Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
