Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
