Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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