you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
