I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
