I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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