Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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