I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You smell like stripper and shame
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
