I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
