I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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