These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
