last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
