Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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