i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
