I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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