I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
