Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
NoShamevember. You game?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
