He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My life is pants optional.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
