At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I didn't notice because vodka
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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