I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
