We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
