im about as happy as oj after his trial
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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