just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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