Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
